If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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