The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
