I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize