The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
