You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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