You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
