remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
