His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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