i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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