At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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