K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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