it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
