Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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