She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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