that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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