This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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