ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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