Non-Jews are for practice
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
