Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
