They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
