i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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