I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
