After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
