White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
