My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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