I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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