I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wear drunk well.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
