Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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