Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
