She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
