Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
