I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
