And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
