From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
