Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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