I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize