Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
