if only i could text you this smell
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
