I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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