cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
