there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
