Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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