Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize