Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
