totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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