are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
