i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Still dying that you shit outside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
