quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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