Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
