Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I will die if light touches me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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