Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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