on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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