so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
