I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
