rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
