Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
