One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
