final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
