yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize