I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
