hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
