1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
