I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
