I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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