This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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