so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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