i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
