No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
