i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
