guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
