you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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