fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
